Denizens of the Jeep

In the old days the first thing one did when boarding a jeepney was to pay the driver. Today, as soon as one’s behind touches the seat, we start texting. For most people, the entire trip consists of that single activity. This is a shame because there are some interesting sights in your fellow passengers.

Interesting and sometimes damned irritating.

I have attempted to categorize them and when possible, share what steps I take. I stress this is what I would do. I do not necessarily recommend it for everyone. You will need a special brand of douchebaggery to follow through with some of these steps.

The Walking Deadma: This is the one who ignores you when you ask him/her to pass your fare to the driver. If the person is elderly, they probably figure they’re exempted. If it is a woman, it may be their long hair blocks their peripheral vision. But most of the time the person is just lost in his/her little world.

If the WD is texting, I shove my hand holding the fare in front of the cellphone screen.

If the person has simply zoned out or feels it beneath him/her to pass your fare, I ‘accidentally’ nudge them.

(When I'm in a nasty mood I call out: Yo! Walking Dead!)

The Tukô: For one of my size, entering or leaving a jeepney is like crawling through a sewer pipe. I have to bend over almost double, and to keep my balance, I have to slide my hand on the handrail as I move along. But even if the vehicle is at a full stop, the Tukô passenger will continue to hang on to the rail with a death grip, blocking your progress, even when your hand is already squeezing their fingers. Short of bellowing ‘Let go, goddamit’ in their ear hole, you can only hope the sound of their fingers cracking will penetrate the fog around their brains.

 The Space Hog: The Hog is the one who continues to sits at a 45-degree angle, taking up two spaces, even when the jeepney is starting to fill up. Personally, I find it more uncomfortable to twist around and plant my elbow on the window frame just to be able to stare out the window. (The SH, by virtue of his/her position, sometimes turns into a Walking Deadma, too.) This is where my size – or more accurately -  mass, comes in handy. When a passenger boards, and the Space Hog remains immobile, I make space for the new passenger by hurtling myself sideways at the Hog, compressing them into the space entitled them. (This also works with Manspreaders.)

Leadbottom: Maybe it's just me, but I prefer to sit near the exit. That way I can disembark with less difficulty. But if the jeep is full, I don't always have that luxury. However, as more passengers alight, more and more space is available. Unfortunately, sometimes the person beside me nearer to the exit won't skooch over to the vacancies left. If I nudge them they creep iceberg-like maybe a few inches. There's not much that can be done about this other than to stand (relatively speaking) and creep over to the seat near the exit. If you're in a particularly nasty mood you can mutter an audible bigat puwet on the way there.

The Sadako: They are the women (and men) with long flowing tresses that blow into my face as the jeep rolls. While it is tempting to whip out a pair of scissors (or a lighter), the most one can do is make annoyed, spitting noises until they get it. And if they don't, whenever a hair touches my face I slap the point of contact, usually my cheek. This has the effect of trapping one or more hairs, whereupon you twist your head in the opposite direction sharply to deliver that firm tug on their hair. That will certainly get their attention. Rub your face a few times to impress upon them that you are the aggrieved party. That is a sure way to get them to tuck their hair in, if not out of courtesy, then out of a fear that they will be plucked bald.

The Buffalo: An able-bodied passenger who shoves past the elderly and the pregnant so he can board first. If I am one of those boarding I block the mofo and motion the disadvantaged forward. (The Buffalo is not normally agressive and will simply put on the usual 'I didn't notice' nonchalance.) If I am on board and seated at the rear I block him also from my seat.

Ninja Turtles: They have humongous backpacks which they don't remove on boarding. Either the thing smashes into you or it takes up additional space as they assume the Space Hog position. (see above). I just shoulder the blasted thing like I do with the Space Hog.

The Human Barricade: They try to board the jeepney even though you are clearly getting off. Did you know that if you angle your head just right, a headbutt won't hurt so much? (Not your head, anyway.)

The Ghost Rider: No roster of irritating jeepney habitues would be complete without mention of the Ghost Rider, the jeepney driver who seems to have a head made entirely of bone. Aside from being invariably as deaf as a fencepost from his roaring diesel engine so he doesn't hear passengers asking him  to pull over, he either cruises easily along like a carnival float trawling for passengers (and ignoring what's in front of him), races along bumpy roads as though his passengers were a cargo of gravel, or he forgets that he has a rear-view mirror, causing him to make the jeepney jerk forward when a passenger is getting off or when one is about to board. Not much you can do here but flip him the bird when you're at a safe distance.

After reading this, I note with frustration that most of these 'me first' types share the same characteristic. In fact, it is the same characteristic shared by many people I have encountered on and off the road. How did we Filipinos, once the paragon of charity and solicitude, suddenly transform into inconsiderate, self-absorbed boors? Does this stem from our people’s state of resigned futility, of poverty, of hunger that deadens the mind? I leave that to the sociologists and psychologists. Whatever it is, it’s gotten worse with cellphones and portable music players.

This brings to mind an old joke: What do you call a person who gets run over by a pison (steamroller)?

Tanga.   

(Thanks to Jackjack C. for her jeepney war stories that made me realize it's worse than I thought.) 

Suffering In 'Silence'

Are right and wrong absolute, or is it relative to a) who is committing the act, or b) who is adversely affected by it?

Imagine this now: You are upset because some company has screwed you royally out of what is rightfully yours. (So it feels to you.) So you ring them up and complain to the customer service rep. As you are detailing your grievances you hear someone laughing like a hyena in the background. (This is not a cliche; this guy's laugh really does sound like the beast.) Now as that customer, would you take this company seriously? You might, if you could make out what the rep was telling you, but now there is squealing and hooting on the other end that sounds like something out of an American Idol audience. Would this improve your already boiling-point temper?

This is what I have to deal with at work as that rep. Our company values team morale very highly (as they should), awarding prizes to top performers. Understandably, there is much rejoicing when the winners are announced. Unfortunately, said jollity takes place while other reps are still taking calls.

(Worse, there seems to be some sort of custom that when one group of reps applauds, the entire floor feels the need to participate, not so much out of  camaraderie, but more to relieve the boredom. It wouldn't be so bad if this was mere clapping, but many feel it necessary to smack their palms together as hard as possible like they were hailing a ride.)

So why not tell 'em to shut the hell up, I can barely hear the profanity this customer is hurling at me? In truth, I did that once. The silence lasted until the end of the day, but the next day, it was back to normal.

Bring this up to management? Well, there are two things wrong with that. First, I fear that I will simply come across as the grouchy old fart who wants to spoil everyone's fun. Secondly, the team leaders (who you'd think would know better) are often in the middle of the tumult, contributing to the squealing, guffawing and yelling. We have a Manager who tells reps to quiet down, but she herself cackles madly and yells at us in this palengkera shriek.

So going back to the original question: Is professionalism at the workplace relative? Does it matter if it is the professionalism of a 25-year-old supervisor or a grunt representative?

My job performance relies on the evaluation of out Quality Assurance department. Well, what if one day other agents suddenly gets tired of the perpetually complaining curmudgeon and takes his QA auditor aside for a few words?. I'm just saying.

So am I the only one affected by all this? I think not. One other agent told me she was glad I yelled out. She had wanted to do the same herself when her customer complained about the racket.  So I'm certain there are others too who choose to say nothing, either because out of pakikisama or because they see that their superiors are involved, and that their job security may be imperiled.

(In my last job, there was a rumor - just that - going around that there were such 'assassins' in QA.)

It is my belief that the Pinoy employee has no concept of 'inside voice'. I've had many a customer complain about the noise. That is the point I hit the 'Mute' button and holler at those concerned. I imagine other agents just rattle off the formulaic and insincere: I do apologize for that.

Yes, it's more fun in the Philippines. Even when one should be getting serious work done.

Vox populi indeed.

Under New Management?

In our disaster-prone nation, it's safe to say that the average Filipino has at least a passing familiarity on how to respond to a catastrophe. So see if you know the answer to this question.

There is a sudden natural disaster at your place of business, and lives may have been lost. Do you a) Inform the proper government agencies immediately; b) call on every available assistance to begin rescue operations, or c) prohibit media, government agencies and rescue teams from entering the disaster site for several hours?

If you answered a or b, then you do know what to do. But if you answered c then you might like to consider applying at the Energy Development Corporation (EDC), because this is exactly what their Mahiao power plant did after the landslide of March 1, 2013.

The death toll stands now at 15, yet the Aquino government is strangely silent. Considering that this is the season for grandstanding, this silence is even more telling. Yet just a few days ago the Senate called a hearing to investigate the Philex Mining tailings spill, an accident that happened almost a year ago and was hashed over repeatedly. Why are our politicians so vocal over old news but mum over this latest mishap?

Why are our officials, who utter the line there will be an investigation so often it's become a cliche, suddenly non-committal about the fact that the Department of Environment and Natural Resources and the Department of Energy gave the go-ahead for EDC to operate despite DENR's very own Mines and Geosciences Bureau stating that the ground surrounding the site was unstable, especially after heavy rains? What charm did the Lopezes (owners of EDC) cast to escape scrutiny despite heavy-handed moves that only delayed rescue and investigation?

And speaking of old news, what of the Lopez's Makati West Tower and its gas leak? Unlike Philex, this was never resolved, and the condomimium and surrounding Barangay Bangkal still reek of gasoline. Residents refuse to return, despite the owners' pleas for them to do so. (To give an illusion of resolution?) UP professor Dr. Carlo Arcilla noted that West Tower officials first denied any leak, then later admitted it when the signs were indisputable. 

Now hold this up next to their behavior at Mahiao.

And speaking of the Lopezes, what about Gina Lopez, head honcho of environmental group Bantay Kalikasan? You know: Those folks who jump on every perceived attack on the environment by big business.  Anyone with a molecule of integrity would say: "Yes, I know this is our family's power plant. But human lives and the environment are more important than anything else, so I can assure you we will pursue the truth." Even pitiful platitudes like that would have at least meant something. But not a word from Gina or her group. Or from Kalikasan PNE and their partylist. Are they related to the Lopezes in more than just a similarity of name?

Every day that the Aquino government stays mum on this is a spit on the face of Daang Matuwid. EDC must be fined to the hilt like they did other companies. The West Tower leak needs to be re-evaluated and re-investigated.

PNoy says we are his bosses. Well, sometimes I wonder if PNoy is under new management.   

  

Dulling The Gay Blade

My College professor posed to us the classic Lifeboat Scenario. You know the one: You're the captain of a sinking ship, and you have to decide which passengers to save in a lifeboat of limited capacity. Passengers were like a heart surgeon, an 86 year-old woman, a teacher, etc. One student chose among her survivors a gay man. Her reason: He can make the children on the boat laugh. To this, my professor replied rather icily: I didn't say he was a stand-up comic.

This happened back in the eighties. Today, the Filipino's view on gay people has changed little. To be sure, we have many gay folks in positions of responsibility. I personally have worked with many and have come away respecting them greatly. Yet mention the word 'gay' to the to the average Pinoy, and chances are, s/he will think not of a dignified Sir Ian McKellen, but of someone like Vice Ganda.

Yes, the Pinoy may respect gays (with may being the operative word), but they simply love them when they present the caricature of popular cinema, the loud, crude, shallow, stupid, sexually obsessed parlorista. No Filipino movie, be it action, drama or romance is complete without the obligatory gay character for comic relief.

Frankly, I cannot understand why the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual and Transsexual community is silent on this travesty. If I were among their ranks, I would slam anyone who perpetuates the very stereotype they are trying to live down. (Worse, we have gays who actually encourage this caricature.) I would hang Roderick Paulate in effigy. They may say it's 'all right' since it's harmless, but I disagree. These caricatures are saying: This is what a real gay is like. And the audience is comfortable with such clear labeling. But a gay who doesn't behave like this (that is, behaves like a straight person in all but sexual preference) becomes an object of suspicion, like s/he was trying to hide something. How often we hear the reason for one's distrust being: Eh, bakla kasi.

By all means, if you want to sashay, mince and squeal, (in short, be a fag instead of being just gay) then do so. But don't go around promoting it as the norm. You're ruining the respect that others are fighting so hard for.